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personal

His first haircut (with me)

And our civic duty

We voted together the other night.

They keep moving my polling station; it used to be right across the street then a few blocks north, then a few blocks east.

This time around, I thought it was at my kid’s school, but I read the address wrong.

Staffer: Sorry, you’re at another polling station – but it’s literally one block away.
Me: Oh, man…

Luckily, it was.

So, after a nice little walk – where we were accosted by people we didn’t know…

Them: Can we ask who you’re voting for?
Me: Nope.

…we found the right place, stepped in, did our civic duty, and high tailed it home.

Her: I think it’d be good for the kids to see us vote, or at least know we did.
Me: Agreed. Not enough people do it and we gotta lead by example.

Here’s hoping for some good news moving forward.

The kid’s never really cared about how he looks.

Until recently, that is.

When Alison was sick, and his hair got unruly, I just buzzed it for him.

Then Alison’s mom and he started having this nice little ritual where she takes him to get a haircut around her pad, which I find really sweet.

Unfortunately, with the exception of that brief visit the other day, he’s not really been able to spend much time with them to get a haircut with them so…I took him out for his first haircut (with me).

It affected me a lot more than I thought it would.

I suppose because it’s yet another first I got to experience, and Alison didn’t. Everything is bittersweet.

We can stop talking about that now.

Anywho, he picked out his hairstyle himself. You’d like it, I think.

He wishes he could grow up faster and I wish he would slow down.

Neither of us will get our way, which is probably how it’s always been with fathers and sons.

Him: What do you think, papa?
Me: You look great kid! Good choice. More importantly, do *you* like it?
Him: Yeah!
Me: Well, then that’s really the important thing, then.

Location: earlier today, getting stabbed multiple times in the back with a needle
Mood: ouch
Music: don’t wanna sit still, look pretty (Spotify)
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Halloween 2025

Missing every transfer

Me: Hola! We didn’t see you at the Halloween party tonight.
Neighbor: I know! We’re at [our daughter’s] friend’s house. Tradition is ending as kids are getting older.
Me: I get it, but it still bums me out!

For the first time in years, we didn’t go trick-or-treating with our neighbors this year…sorta.

See, we’re actually friends with multiple people and families in the building next door although the family we normally trick-or-treat with are our oldest ones.

In any case, we ended up going – me and the kid and the Firecracker and her kid – and had a grand time as usual.

It’s that whole, The more things change, the more things stay the same, kinda thing.

On that note, we’d not seen Alison’s parents in a while, and I’d also not seen my mom and sis in a while.

So, that Sunday, while the Firecracker ran some errands, the kid and I took the PATH to Hoboken and met up with my SIL where we hitched a ride with her to her parents.

There, we had a really quick lunch with them before my SIL drove us back to Hoboken so we could try and make a train to see my mom.

Him: We spent more time traveling than we did with grandma and grandpa!
Me: (thinking) Yup, that’s true. Four hours traveling but only 90 minutes with them.

We literally *just* missed the train. Crazy how one small change can have such drastic consequences.

Unfortunately, we missed the PATH train by just a couple of minutes but that set off a whole set of cascading consequences that ended up with the Firecracker waiting over two hours for us and my sister and mom, one.

See, because we missed the PATH train, we also missed the straight shot from Penn Station to my mom’s pad.

So, we rush to the subway and caught an N train to try and catch a quick transfer to a 7 train to transfer to another train to see my mom.

But the marathon, which was happening that day, messed alla that up as well.

We ended up missing pretty much every transfer and didn’t end up seeing my family until an hour later.

The Firecracker didn’t say a single word about our being two hours late for her.

Yet another reason why she rocks.

To make it up to her, I let my mom show her a TON of fat pics of me.

Me: You don’t know what a Chinese bowl cut is?
Her: Show me. (looks) It’s just a bowl cut, Logan. Just because you’re Chinese doesn’t make it a Chinese bowl cut. Is your toothbrush a Chinese toothbrush because you use it?
Me: I don’t think I like your tone right now.

Did I ever mention to you that she was a drummer for years?

Well, she also showed the kid and his cousins some of the basics of that.

It was a fun, if not completely exhausting, day.

In any case, because of daylight savings time, it felt like midnight when we got home but…

Me: I can’t believe it’s only 8:30PM.
Her: I know. I’m exhausted. I need a nap.
Me: Nap?! I was on eight trains and three cars today across two states. I’m going to bed.
Her: Aw, does my old man need to go to bed?
Me: OMG, yes.

Location: tonight, my local polling station, enjoying democracy…for now
Mood: exhausted
Music: you’re right where you’re supposed to be (Spotify)
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personal

More than usual

I have problems

The rain from Hurricane Melissa was pretty bad here in the city but I was stuck in a doctor’s office being told that the only option for my back was another shot before surgery.

As soon as I was done, rushed back – “rushed” being a loose term because the city was really moving at a snail’s pace – but oddly, the pad was bone dry.

It was really weird.

With the amount of water that came down here, the entire unit shoulda seen some serious water damage and yet…not.

Welp, not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth and take my wins where I find them.

Me: I’m still hungry.
Her: You just ate like 40 pieces of sushi. How is that possible?
Me: (shrugging) I have a big brain.
Her: (laughing) The brain doesn’t use that much energy.
Me: The average brain weighs 2% of the body’s mass but uses 20% of the body’s calories. (thinking) I gotta think I’m at least 21%.

Been on a diet again, but not for Scenic Fights, actually. Got a new little project I’ll tell you about once it’s closer to done.

But it’s been a struggle just because I can’t seem to get full for some reason worse than usual for some reason.

A buddy of mine suggested that I’m hungrier than my usual ridic level of hunger because I’ve been working out a bit more with my physical therapy.

But it seems such a tiny additional burden to me that it can’t possibly justify the amount of food I’m taking in.

In any case, my goals are super modest – like five pounds or so just to look better in a suit for something.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Me: OMG, look at those sammies!
Her: Logan…we just ate.
Me: I know, I know, I know…I have problems…

Location: all over NJ, Manhattan, and Queens today
Mood: pooped
Music: we all have a hunger (Spotify)
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Hey, little guy

We love you so

We were all having dinner the other night when the kid asked me, “What happened the night I was born?”

I glitched.

I couldn’t really remember.

That’s not wholly unexpected because a lotta people experience difficulty recalling moments before a traumatic event causea stress hormones interfering with memory encoding.

And, just a few days after my kid was born, I got the worst possible news that I could ever imagine so if that’s not trauma, I dunno what is.

I walked up these stairs three days after Alison collapsed to stay with her. I’d gone home to shower, I think. Don’t really remember.

The thing is that this is part of why I take so many pictures.

Cause I know I’ll forget things if I don’t.

Unfortunately, there are three years of pictures that I almost never look at because they wreck me.

I took the least amount of pictures the year the kid was born because it was one tragedy after another – even before Alison got sick.

It’s why I stopped writing the blog during that time. It was all so sad.

And it only got worse.

Took a lot in 2017 for reasons I’ll tell you about someday, maybe.

For this entry, I looked back to see if there were any pictures I could use or memories it might jar but they were all horrible, so I bailed.

I literally have like four pictures that don’t make me wanna dry heave.

This is one of the few I have that don’t.

The kid is less than a week old in this. His mom had just been told she was sick. It was a shitshow. I don’t remember much of any of this, I’m just going by the timestamp.

Cancer is like the shitty gift that keeps on taking.

I’ve been thinking about my dad almost daily these days as well, for a buncha reasons that I’ll (also) probably tell you about onea these days.

I did remember one good thing, though.

Him: Well, do you remember what you first said to me?
Me: (nodding, smiling) Yeah, that I do. I said, “Hey, little guy. 爸爸媽媽好愛你. (Papa and mama love you so.)”

Location: another doctor’s office, being told my options
Mood: drenched
Music: thinking ’bout those days, these days (Spotify)
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Construction time again

We really don’t have them all that long

Me: I just realized something.
Her: What?
Me: The kid’s gonna be moving out in just seven more years. That seems so insanely quick.
Her: (nodding) Yeah. We really don’t have them all that long.
Me: OMG, I’m so bummed out suddenly…

Came across this article recently from the oldest practicing – 101 – doctor in America.

He said that he thinks the single most important thing that people can do to stay healthy throughout their lives is to keep moving, something I just said myself recently.

So, obviously, I agree with that.

But, between my friend who just got discharged from the hospital, to me with my crap back, I feel that, at some point, it’s just fighting against the tides.

Everything is about maintenance, I’m not really growing anymore. I’m just trying to deteriorate at a slower rate than most people my age.

Which I think I’m accomplishing.

I’m just shocked that more people aren’t doing everything they can to stave off the inevitable.

Me: It just seems crazy to me – do people not think it’s gonna happen to them?
Her: Getting older? I think they don’t really consider that working out or eating healthfully will really make all that much of a difference.
Me: That’s crazy.
Her: (shrugging) I honestly don’t think a lotta people realize it’s an option.

On that note, I look at the kid and realize that, unlike me, he’s improving every day.

He’s getting stronger and smarter and better each day, and I’m thrilled for him and for it. That’s how it should be.

I just wish he doesn’t have to deteriorate like all humans do.

Then again, that’s what it means to be human, I suppose.

Location: my kid’s bunkbed, looking for missing screws from all the construction around here that have vibrated them off
Mood: prickly
Music: Everything counts in large amounts (Spotify)
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I have no pictures of donkeys

So Diesel

The thing that’s driving alla parents and teachers nuts these days is the kids randomly yelling out the numbers, 6-7! at the top of their lungs.

If you wanna know why, read this. But it is maddening.

Then again, I figure every generation has its weird saying that irritated adults – gotta figure, that’s at least a major reason why they do it in the first place.

For me, there was a buncha items of slang that I remember, most of which I put into the novel I wrote years ago.

In the 90s, someone who was “diesel” was someone that was strong; “cock diesel” was someone super strong.

I was reminded of this when I came across a story about a donkey named, Diesel that escaped from its ranch in 2019 out in California.

The reason was that he was frightened by a mountain lion and ran off.

His owners spent weeks looking for him but never found him and assumed that he ended up getting killed and eaten, most likely by mountain lions.

But Diesel’s story didn’t end there. It was only the start.

More pictures of not donkeys…

See, a donkey, matching Diesel’s description, was discovered living with a herd of wild elk in 2023.

The assumption was that he found a new home and family.

But it gets better.

Evidently, local wardens found a dead mountain lion that was kicked to death by a hoofed animal.

The next time the elk herd was found with Diesel, Diesel was – evidently – their leader.

Now this one isn’t even a real horse.

In other words, the thing that ended his old life – a mountain lion scaring him from his old home – was the thing that that started his new life – facing a mountain lion, killing it, and becoming the leader of a herd of animals, not his own.

His old owners, upon seeing videos of their donkey, said they were just going to leave him be because he looked happy.

Not just happy but happy and thriving…in a position of leadership to boot!

He found his tribe.

Knew I had to tell you about this story the moment I read about it because it fits so well into my idea that we cannot move forward unless we face up to our pasts.

So many people I know are doing exactly that, and I’m so proud of them for doing that, truly.

A little before my own life as I knew it ended when Alison got sick, I told you about a quote from Chesterfield that went: Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.

Almost a dozen years later, I’m revisiting that quote and that idea and leaving my familiar shores to try doing more new things.

I’ll let you know how it goes when it happens.

Location: a middle school, trying to figure out what to do
Mood: achy
Music: My physical is strong, and my mind is cock diesel (Spotify)
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We are what we constantly do

ONE MILLION!

Me: Heya, can you tell me one more time how many times my videos have been seen? I’m writing something about it for my blog.
Producer: The exact number up to July 8th, 2025, was 236,526,963 on YouTube only. But if I had to guess YouTube is closer to 280m and with TikTok you’re closer to 350m.
Me: Holy shitballs!

Years ago, I told you that the reason the 3 Musketeers candy bar was called that was because each one had three bars, with ear bar a different flavor: chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla.

But, for a variety of reasons, it’s just chocolate now.

And did you know that Daisy – the makers of the Red Ryder BB gun in A Christmas Story, was originally a windmill company?

They used to give away BB guns as promotional items for their windmills, but their promotional items became more popular than their main business, so they ditched windmills completely to focus on BB guns.

I’m trying, I’m trying, just hold on…

Speaking of Daisy, there’s a major BJJ competition team called Daisy Fresh, just because the team originally trained in a beat-up laundromat called, “Daisy Fresh,” and they figured it was easier just to keep the name.

That happens a lot.

Like, two fellas named Henderson and Moore bought a hotel in Massachusetts that already had a large, expensive sign on the building.

It was cheaper to just keep the sign, so they ended up calling their entire hotel chain the name on the sign – Sheraton.

Finally, there’s this popular sandwich shop named Potbelly that was once was Chicago antique store that was struggling.

So, they hit on this idea to sell sammies that they heated up with an old potbelly stove that they had in the shop.

My point’s that the things we think we know actually probably went through a lotta things to become the version of the thing you’re familiar with.

And things that you know of in one form may actually have been something else entirely.

My little side project I first told you about years ago, Scenic Fights, just hit one million subscribers.

There’s a really funny backstory to that whole thing that I’ll tell you about some day.

But I digress.

OK, it’s not a Sheraton but I don’t usually stay at those.

The thing is that there are alla these people that now know me as Logan the Weapons Guy from Scenic Fights, and I’m proud to be known as that.

And, of course, there are all those people that know me as Logan, the intellectual property lawyer.

And I’ve got this whole other career – two, actually – that I’ve only ever mentioned to you in passing but I’m held in pretty high regard there as well.

I do alla those things but the two things I’m proudest of – and I’m proud of everything I just mentioned – are being the kid’s dad and my writing.

Because we are what we constantly do.

And those two things are the things that I constantly do the most.

There are somea you that have been reading me since the Livejournal days and I feel that, outta everyone that “knows” me, you all know me the best.

Because what you’re reading is the most closely aligned with how I really am (edited), I think.

So, thanks for helping me/us get to 1 million on Scenic Fights.

And thanks, most of all, for continuing to read me.

One of these days, I’ll have something important to say.

Oh, a special nod to my buddy Mark H. Anbinder who’s been reading me for decades – and still constantly comments (!) and I’m super thankful for that. Shockingly, he’s still on Livejournal.

And my friend Debra, whom I’ve not seen in decades, just dropped me a line outta the blue saying (a) she’s still reading me and (b) is writing herself now.

Location: a middle school, trying to figure out what to do
Mood: achy
Music: I’m hopin’ I can find what’s left of me (Spotify)
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Well, that didn’t work

A warming plate

Him: It’s like having a C-Section. Essentially, they cut you open from the front, remove all your insides and put it on a warming plate…
Me: A warming plate?!
Him: (nodding) A warming plate. Then they get to work on your spine. For me, it’s been lifechanging. I don’t even think about my back anymore.

Missed posting on Monday because it’s just been a bummer around here.

So, after a solid year of physical therapy, countless doctor’s visits, tons of medication, and – finally – that spinal epidural last week, I can say that there’s been zero improvement with my back whatsoever.

The thing about the shot is that it was/is the second-to-last option, with the last option being back surgery.

But even that gets complicated; a recent article that just came out late last month noted that about half of back surgeries didn’t do a thing.

And the surgery is no joke.

This past weekend, we went to hang out with the Surgeon and Steel and met a famous weatherman who had the back surgery.

He was one of the few people I know that had a successful one – pretty much everyone else has been struggling with back pain even after surgery.

It was disheartening, to say the least.

This was on top of the shot not doing a damn thing for me.

I’ve got a follow up with the shot doctor in about two weeks where he’ll give me some options but, so far, it’s not been encouraging.

On a positive note, however, my buddy is outta surgery, outta the ICU, and currently in a step-down unit before being discharged home.

Here’s to whatever small wins we can get, when we can get them.

Her: He had jello and a cup of tea before I left tonight.
Me: It’ll be a porterhouse and a glass of red in no time. Thanks for the update!

Location: a middle school, trying to figure out what to do
Mood: achy
Music: remind myself that I’m better than this (Spotify)
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More medical issues

A blessing nonetheless

A while back, my sister celebrated her birthday and gave the most lovely little nod to Alison, which I’ve always deeply appreciated.

She wrote something like, “People often complain about getting old. But after my sister-in-law passed at such a young age, I vowed I would never do that. It’s such a gift to get old and not everyone gets that chance.”

I think about that on the regular.

Getting old is a blessing.

A crappy blessing, but a blessing nonetheless.

Just found out that a dear and close friend of mine is in the hospital.

He’s an older fella but still very spry and active so it came as quite a shock.

Burst aneurysm.

It instantly brought me back to all those fucking nights in those goddamn hospitals – both for Alison and my dad.

But it looks like he’ll be ok, which I’m hoping is the case – we won’t know for sure for a few days.

That’s the thing about getting older: Even if you’re careful and lucky, you still spend far more time dealing with health issues than not.

On that note, I’ve been dealing with my own health issues. My herniated disc isn’t getting better – at all.

Doctor: The main issue is that your spinal canal is getting narrower.
Me: Is it because of my wrestling and fencing?
Him: (thinking) I don’t think so. If anything, your keeping active prevented this from being worse.
Me: What is it exactly?
Him: It’s the scoliosis I mentioned, and you have signs of deterioration and arthritis.
Me: Because I’m so active or…
Him: Oh no, just age. You’re 52 after all.
Me: So, I’ve been told.

To wit, after I went with the kid for over two hours to check out some middle schools today…

This pic is also not from today – they didn’t allow us to take pics.

…and after over a year of physical therapy and other things, I did the one thing left for me to do before surgery, which is a steroid injection into my spine.

Now, last week, I went to an office on the East Side twice to do alla the prep I needed to do and this afternoon, it was shot time.

I don’t have any pics from the procedure today – just forgot to take any.

But picture this: I’m lying face down on like a massage table with a cutout for my face in a FREEZING room with three young ladies.

I’m shirtless and my pants are pulled down most of the way with my rear end sticking up in the air.

Luckily for me, I have very little shame so, while it was odd and a bit disconcerting, it was ok for the most part.

Anywho, my chat with the doctor was pretty good too.

Him: So, when are you back from vacation?
Me: Oh, we’re not going for another month.
Him: Ah, good. So, I can see you in two weeks for a followup?
Me: Yup.
Him: OK. You know, I do all this small talk to distract you while we do the injection. And…done.
Me: Wait, you did it already?
Him: (laughing) Yup. Just keep lying there for a bit but you should be out the door in 10-15 minutes.

Considering how many medical procedures I’ve ever done or been part of, this was probably the best case scenario.

Afterwards, I was too beat to cook so I just took everyone out to eat at our fave neighborhood bistro.

Ende gut alles gut. / Alls well that ends well.

Whew.

What a day.

Location: a middle school, trying to figure out what to do
Mood: achy
Music: baby, don’t you think I’m looking older? (Spotify)
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Doing new things

What happens after

One of the things that I appreciate about having the kid is that he’s always trying something new, which means two things: (a) I get to see him do new things and (b) I often have to bring him places that I’ve not been before.

Case-in-point, the other day, there was a class that I thought he would like so I signed him up for it.

It was actually held near my old gym and a block from my kali class but in a building that I’d never been inside before. Turns out that it was a whole school of performing arts stuff.

Literally, within five minutes of us arriving, the kid was playing tag with a buncha kids he’d never met before (and they all knew each other).

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly he’s able to make friends.

Let’s hope that never stops.

Me: Walking to you now, five mins. Did you like it?
Him: No…
Me: Oh no! OK.
Him: Yea. Can we get Taco Bell, please?

Unfortunately, not alla my ideas are a hit, and this one was one of the duds.

I always give the kid props for trying new things; that’s the deal – he always has to try new things, but I won’t force them on him if he hates them.

And he hated this thing.

So, I bought back some goodwill with some fast-food Tex-Mex.

Speaking of duds, almost exactly nine years ago this week, a guy that I didn’t know at the time – he was a friend of Pac’s but he and I are friends now – drove me out to NJ to pick up a washer dryer for Alison to use as I assumed we’d constantly be cleaning clothing and bedsheets.

Ah, if only.

Well, that machine just gave up the ghost this past week.

My rule of thumb is that, if it costs more than 1/3 of the price to repair and it’s over seven years old, it’s probably worth it to buy a new one.

BUT, what I didn’t know when I got this one was that my basement can only fit a 24-inch machine and this one was 26 inches.

It was only with the help of Pac’s buddy, a couple of huge neighbors, a power drill, and just raw determination and anger that got this damn thing through the door.

So, I opted to call in a repairman who could fix it for roughly half the cost of a new one.

They’re ordering the part, which’ll take a bit to get so we won’t have a machine for a little longer.

Man an in-unit washer dryer in NYC is gold.

Me: Will it come with a warranty?
Him: (thick accent) One month.
Me: What happens after a month?
Him: (shrugging) No more warranty.
Me: (nodding slowly)

Location: home, not quite as sick. Still send soup.
Mood: foggy but not terrible
Music: Still runs good, built to last (Spotify)
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