12:45:32 AM

My tub faucet sprung a leak the other day so I decided it was time to fix it.

I'm always trying to fix things in my life.

My car, my finances, my computer, my love life - the list goes on. I decided just the other day to repair my relationship with my lower abs. We've kept in touch but I've just not seen them in six months.

I spent almost all of last summer trying to fix my hellish relationship with No. 6.

As an aside, it would have been nice if she told me that it was not only broken but that she had already given parts to three other drivers (whom I don't think have seen any of their abs in decades; of course, it's not just about looks, to their credit they're also dull as rock soup).

Sorry, I'm just snarky because I've got a drip that's driving me mad.

Point is, fixing is different than building. It's been a while since I've been able to build. This spring I'm building things with old friends and new.

One such thing I've built, well, it's getting there.

It's getting there.

But for now, oh man, where's that #@$@#$ wrench?

1:26:43 AM

No I haven't become more vain because that blurry picture, while me, is not actually...me. The pic of me in the slippers, that's me. It's a long story. But it'll all make sense shortly, I hope.

Oh man! I wanna tell you, I wanna tell you - but I can't. Not yet. Soon though. Busy. Life. Love. Loot. You know.

But it'll be worth it. Totally worth it.

Honest and for true.

You see, I wanna make you smile.

1:22:15 AM

I had a busy but good day yesterday. A friend of mine and I are arguing constantly but somehow we always manage to work things out, or at least push our mutual hatred below the surface where I'm sure it'll explode someday in a newspaper-worthy fashion.

I thought about my ex recently because I got a package of stuff from her.

It's funny, I never think of her any more.

I'm traveling again. I'll be here today and then back home tonight. I used to go to cool places like Berlin, Macao and Beijing. Now, it's...Lockport, NY. Eh, it pays the bills. Plus it's nice to be elsewhere.

In other news, my friend put up this list of 13 things I didn't know about him (I do his No. 7 even now). This brings the number of people that have done the meme to seven people. What about you? SEE UPDATE BELOW

Finally, somone asked me how I was so I'm putting up this pic of me. I think I'm gaining weight. It's because I'm in a good mood.

I know you'll wonder, so the answer is because I'm secure in my manhood. Plus, it's all BJE has that I can wear when I stop by the few times I see her.

They're comfy.

7:35:11 AM

UPDATE 20070324 01:45AM 20070326 08:05:23AM
Actually, we're up to seven eight people! No Identity and Eye-Love each put up 25 things about herself.

For No Identity, I particularly like 1, 7 and 25 and I'm with Eye-Love on 7, 14, and 23. And to the ladies who gave me the kind comments, where were you all when I was in Jr. high school/high school/college/grad school/post grad/eight months ago?

Just my luck.

But...thanks. =)

Cops are getting killed, left and right in my fine city. Crime is up.

I have a theory. Back when Giuliani was mayor, you got busted for littering or jaywalking. People had to respect the law. Now, with scores of people dying from bombs each day, and the public pretty much immune to it, it's hard to take things like littering seriously.

The price of a life currently less than $20 here in the big city.


Things never change.

8:46:34 AM

I spoke to L the other night and she said something that made me pause.

"I'm always the fling, never the girlfriend."

Her comment was a general comment, not directed at me, but it reminded me about things from both my long and recent pasts that were directed at me.

About eight years ago, I briefly dated this beautiful and wealthy trust fund baby. One day she said, "Guys always treat me like the side dish. I want to be the main course. You're not going to do that to me, are you?"

For reasons that still escape me now, I told her I didn't know. After some crying and choice words from her, I found myself taking a 2AM walk home. Not the first, not the last.

I also saw BJE again recently. She and I both want something, I suppose, and we get along so well but...


For the last four women that loved me before BJE, my but was my insomnia - and the subsequent irritability, moodiness, arguing and general insanity.

For both BJE and me it's the choices we've made in life but BJE's also concerned by the choices I might make in life.

Returning to L and her comment, L asked, "What does that say about me?"

Once again, I didn't know and once again, I thought about it on a 2AM walk home.

What does that say about me?

1:15:38 AM

The beauty of never having drunk seriously since high school is that I've managed to (I think) look better than my age and have not a gut.

The flip side of it is that I'm meeting up with inebriated Logan again for the first time since 1995.

And he's got stuff to say.

I'm already fairly friendly and outgoing when I'm sober. Drunk, I'm your best friend.

So, what's your story, morning glory; what makes you look so blue?

2:18:57 PM

My ex-girlfriend from Europe dropped me a line yesterday. It was good to hear from her. As always she said little except that she's doing well, seeing someone, and happy. I'm glad.

It would be nice to hear how the other is doing occasionally, as there was a time when we were very close.

True. It was a lifetime ago - before planes hit buildings in my fine city and burned them to the #$@#$ ground.

I remember driving to this drawbridge in her tiny town outside Denmark and waiting for the bridge to come down so we could get to the other side. I liked being there; actually, I like being elsewhere, which is quite different from being somewhere.

On that note, I just bought tickets for the left coast. SFO.

I'll need a place to crash for a weekend so if anyone has a spare couch in May, I'm there. I'd cook dinner in exchange for some hospitality. If you're a pescatarian, I'll buy/make some mac & cheese.

It'll be good to see the Calfornia sun again; I missed her, though I'm sure she didn't notice I was gone.

Me? Oh, I'm OK, thanks.

I'm just waiting to get to the other side.

1:59:52 AM

With nods to Jaerik and Slytheran, I:

1. type 75 words a minute but have a hard time spelling.
2. have a happy face in my eye at the main picture up there on the upper left-hand corner - take a look.
3. cannot play any team sports and have never watched a superbowl game but know an esoteric fencing system.
4. have never cheated on anyone.
5. wake up and do 50 push-up and 100 crunches because I can't afford a gym.
6. like Jaerik, must climb stairs two at a time - yes, I look like an idiot but that's not for you to judge. I usually bound up them unless there are lots of people or am beat.
7. hate the summer and heat.
8. can do a side split without warming up (don't ask).
9. can outeat most people. I can also eat burgers, pizza and gyros every day for a month and still want more. I will not put ketchup on my burger.
10. have had serious relationships with two people that appeared on a Rachel Ray show and a Fox News show.
11. always send out those freebie sweepstakes they mail you because I once won $1000 on iwon.com and $800 on Cash Cab.
12. can't drive stick-shift, something that drove my German ex-girlfriend crazy.
13. rarely curse, only started drinking less than eight months ago and have never done drugs.
14. lived for two years in a room hidden behind a bookcase off Times Square.
15. miss my dog and wish I were nicer to him.
16. call my brother almost every day and see the rest of my family once a week.
17. read 850 words a minute with 50% comprehension and 650 WAM with full comp. I read somewhere in between
    
18. never bought a textbook in college after freshman year because I couldn't afford them. I took good notes and dated the TAs when necessary. I'm not proud.
    
19. avoid juice and cereal even though I love them both.
20. once turned really quickly on a flight of stairs and slammed my face into Tyra Bank's boobs.
21. would give up 40 points of IQ to be able to sleep like my last two girlfriends.
22. am afraid of dying without making up for all the bad things I've done.
23. was going to be a pastor but decided I would be a bad role model.
24. am extremely clumsy. When I met an ex's family, I spilled my drink on her grandmother. I've also had surgery on my face because I fell down a flight of stairs and the left side of my face was crushed in.
25. am a hopeless romantic and wished my love life worked out like in the movies.

Ok...you probably guessed the last one.

What are 25 things I don't know about you?

UPDATE (various)
In addition to to Jaerik and Slytheran, each of whom came up with idea on their own (and I shamelessly stole), CindyE has joined our happy Meme. As has Ly_ on 20070314; and Personalspaceinvader on 20070316.

If anyone else does on my friends list, I'll post here.

2:52:23 AM

I had a late dinner and a bit to drink with Hazel and Locationgirl. I probably have a 50/50 ratio of male/female friends. For me, there's a clear line of demarcation between friends and lovers, potential or otherwise (of course that's exactly what No. 6 said to me and that turned out to be total crap).

Still, it's great being able to have feminine sounding boards. Consider the recent conversation between Casey and myself:


I've said it before, relationships are hard. You do what you can, when you can.

For me, life is...confusing. At least I'm not the only one who's confused.

1:29:16 AM

Just had to post...

"JAMA...compared four diets from low-carb to high-carb and put Atkins on top. Not just for weight loss but for health improvements as well."

I'm holding onto the Atkins dream.

Damn that Mac & Cheese.

Damn it all to hell...

My day started off at 5AM when my windows flew open because of the wind, freaked the snot out of me, and dumped my bed with dirt.

Sitting there in the dark covered with debris in the howling wind, I thought, Yeah, sure, that's about right.

And that's the thing about my life: the misery bits are layered with the ridiculous bits.

Case-in-point: BJE loved Mac & Cheese so I went out and bought a freezer full of various types because, well...ok, I have no explanation. I just did.

Ergo, my last five meals have all had something to do with mac & cheese (eg: mac & cheese with a sandwich, mac & cheese with soup - you get the point).

Since I'm counting, my last four dates/relationships were with pescetarians from New Jersey.


Time to microwave dinner. Wonder what's on the menu...

Her: I love you.
Me: Ah, if only you did.

Well, that all went to hell.

But to quote a close friend:

I did that the last time around.

This time, no matter how much I wish it weren't so, I decided that I'd rather be by myself than play a cameo ever again.

Well, I've had an unpleasant evening. Don't ask. I'm still not sleeping either. Maybe it'll get better but in the meanwhile, I thought about my recent past.

I took this bag with me all over the world for two years. I had it custom made back when I had some coin.

I wanna see the sun in Santa Monica again, or the sun on Five Finger Mountain in Xinzhu again, or the sun on the Baltic Sea in Denmark again, or the...oh you get the point.

I hated traveling around the world when I had to, now I miss it so. It is always greener there, isn't it?

No worries, I'm still hopeful. Just not here.

Too much baggage.

2:13:36 AM

My hands are shaking again.

The only drug that I know that works to knock me out causes a rare but nasty side effect called tardive dyskinesia, which basically results in a funny twitch or tic in the face. It's permanent, no cure. Yeah, like I need to be any weirder.

Ergo, I avoid taking it until I truly need to catch up on sleep. On a related note, as I've gotten older, I do more and more odd tics with my hands. Basically, I talk a lot with my hands.

I must look ridiculous on my mobile.

My friends make fun of me. I think they think I do it to be dramatic. Maybe I do, a little. But you ever jump up and down when you're a kid because you're so excited about something? Nervous energy. That's me. My hands tingle and I can't keep them still. Like an itch. Now that I drink, it's far more pronounced.

So I'm on day two of little sleep. I suppose tomorrow I'll have to give in because I'm seeing the girl with the blue jean eyes again.

A good friend told me that the secret to relationships is to find someone with baggage that matches yours. So true. She spent 25+ years being her; I spent 30+ years being me. It's hard to bang two fully formed adults together to something homogenous. But I guess people do it all the time.

I don't know how but they do.

There's a lot going against us, me and BJ eyes. She's got her baggage; I've got mine. But I told her that I would honest with her if she would do the same for me.

I'll take honesty and those eyes any day of the week.

Now if I could only get some @#$@# sleep...

3:22:43 AM