On (or close to) Schedule

I've been having nightmares. The kind where you wake up in a sweat.

You know the story of King Midas and the golden touch, yeah? He's got a lesser known story. His servant knew a secret of Midas and couldn't bear it. So the servant whispered it to a bed of reeds but the reeds told the world.

I meet people all the time. The last several weeks have been blurs of "What's your story?" But nothing ever comes of them because of the things in my head. So many things.

My persona when I'm out and about is innocuous and easy without a hint of depth; like Wonder Bread.

I had a recent conversation with a girl I reconnected with. We got onto the topic of regrets somehow and I told her it was the story of my life. She asked, "What could you really have done that was so bad?"

Against my normal character, I told her the least of it and she looked back at me with a face I've seen many times before.

I threw her a wink and a smile and that was the end of it.

For her, anyway.

There are no reeds I know of in my fine city (s'ok, they're gossip folk anyway) so I leaned over and whispered my dirty to some tulips in Central Park on Sunday.

Let's hope they can keep a secret.

12:16:33 AM

Her: (concerned and eyeing what's in my hand) I'm sorry, do you live here?

Me: No, I take a fencing class here. Don't worry, it's not real.

Her: (relieved) Oh, that's great, do you like it?

(15 minutes of conversation later)

Me: I'm sorry, this is going to sound like a weird question, but are you a vegetarian?

Her: (laughing) That is a weird question! I'm actually a pescatarian, that means...

Me: (nodding) ...you only eat fish. Right.

Her: I'd better let you get to your class, Logan. See you around?

Me: See you around, Jen.

This is what my desk looks like right this minute.

Please note that my passport, rum and gum are within easy access should I need to bolt. You can barely see it, but the hardcover book behind my screen is A Cricket in Times Square. On that note, the other books are travel books for places I will never see.

What does yours look like and what's the most interesting thing there?

2:09:22 AM

The weather here is outta this world.

Thanks to everyone who helped me out by calling for my birthday. I came across a line from Death of a Salesman that I thought was completely appropos to my current life/situation.

Back to the work, here's what I did with what you left - I'm sure that someone with some actual audio talent would have done a better job (or at least someone who didn't have a fifth of rum while working, but that's neither here nor there):

A Long Version

boomp3.com

A Short Version

boomp3.com

Here is the long and short version if you want to download it for some perverse reason.

Thanks again! I liked hearing what you guys sounded like and it really did make my day.

1:25:22 AM

This is my 100th post.

This weekend, I had the last of my birthday celebrations with my college friends. They like to celebrate in nice places with nice tableware.

Me? Burgers and wings, please. Gio and Hazel brought me out for more of the same the day before. Anything else will spoil me.

I had a weird conversation with a good friend recently:

Him: I gotta ask, are you gay?

Me: First of all, no. Second of all, what?

Him: I had to ask.

Me: Now? You've known me for almost ten years! Now? Would it matter if I were?

Him: Stop being a lawyer, and no. It just came up.

Me: It just came up?

Him: It just came up.

Me: Do you even read my blog?

Him: Does anyone?

I'm not - not that there's anything wrong with it. There is no bigger fan of the female form. Someone overheard that I've had relations with two bisexual women, but I guess they didn't hear that last part.

But I do have to say that I'm not even sure why women like men.

If I was a woman, I would be a raging lesbian.

Raging.

8:09:45

Tags: birthday, college friends, weird questions

Dr. Kelso: Are you an idiot?

JD: No sir, I'm a dreamer.

-- Scrubs, S06E16 : 02:53

Can you see God

in the bright blue sky?

Him: Hey, I wanted to wish you a happy b-day. By the way, I've got some good dirt.

Me: Sweet, hit me.

Him: Remember when I told you that I ran into your ex out here?

Me: Vaguely...

Him: We totally hooked up. I mean full-on.

Me: (pause) How is that good again?

Him: I meant for me.

Me: (...)

Him: Why's everything about you? Oh, there's my ride, I'm out. Happy Birthday!

Me: (...)

I've decided that hope is good.

Thanks for the hope.

12:55:33 AM

Me @ 17. My hair is blue. Yes, I'm a dork.

It's my birthday.

To celebrate, I'm just going to work out. It's OK, I did a lot of living last week.

I've updated my pictures per a reader's request.

Now...I want something from you.

I think it's fair; I pour out all my insanity for your entertainment, but once in a blue moon, I'm going to ask you to do something for me, besides get me soup (which no one did, not that I'm bitter):

Call this number: 1.XXX.XXX.XXXX and listen to the directions. (20070419 EDIT: thanx! I've gotten all the voices I can use)
Wait a sec and then say your name/LJ name
Wait another sec and read the below work, I Remember Seventeen
If you screw up, hit # and start again.

Remember to change the fifth line to the proper age from when you were 17 (ie, if you're 29, change the line to read Man, twelve years ago).

If you're a chick, I have no idea what to change lines 9 an 14 to; I leave it up to you to figure that part out.

Since we're are not dating, please keep your crazy to yourself - I'm deleting everything else that deviates.

Read it how you read it. I wanna hear your voice reading it the way you would read it.

It's only fair

You know what I sound like.

I remember seventeen

I remember seventeen,
All my ways and means,
All my little dreams.

I remember seventeen
Man, seventeen years ago
Back when I had flow
(Or I had thought so)

Love's simple, the beauty queen.
My friends, all on the scene;
trying to be cool,
looking like some fools.

But I thought I was pretty slick
with the pretty chicks.
But really, I had no flow
and those girlies, they laid me low.

Back then it all meant so much,
all those little cuts,
everything that sucked.

Me, a stupid kid
hoping to be big.

Course, it’s a little sad
all my memories;
how different I thought I’d be
from my current state of me.

Still, sometimes, so far away
sometimes, like yesterday,

yeah, I remember seventeen.

All those little cuts…

Quite a weekend.

Friday I spent quietly at home because I went out Monday and Thursday of last week.

Saturday was a different story:

7AM - 2PM Work
2PM - 4PM fencing
4PM - 7PM dinner party
7PM - 9PM speed dating thing (I didn't participate, I was just catching up with a friend that ran the event)
10PM - 11PM Birthday party
11PM - 3AM Club
3AM - 7AM Extracurricular activity

I'd put in more details but I'm still trying to remember them.

I've been running into ex-girlfriends in the oddest of ways. In a manner of speaking.

At the speed dating thing, I met a girl that knew my first girlfriend. She told me that my ex was still single. For some reason, that didn't surprise me.

The birthday party was full of girls that actually stayed at my house 10 years ago, (wait for it) for a church retreat sponsored by my third girlfriend. They're all about 26-28 now. Quite weird. They told me that my third girlfriend is married, pregnant and happy. I'm glad to hear.

I just got home about 15 minutes ago and in my in box is an email from another ex-girlfriend from Europe. She's going to send me some pictures of my time in Europe. She's a sweetheart.

My past likes to visit me.

It's fine.

I enjoy the company.

8:15:23 AM

Tags: nightlife, weekends, ex-girlfriends

I can't believe no one sent me soup.

Despite my better judgment, I just walked in the door from a night with the guys. I took the long walk home to clear my head and sober me up. I got in at 2AM on Monday and now 3AM on Thursday.

I'm turning 34 next week, I've gotta stop with these mid-week late nights. Then again, I don't really work but that's neither here nor there.

So, here I am in front of my computer trying to get some things done and my thoughts drift.

I'm feeling philosophical, what with the volume of chemicals in my system. As I said before, all of life's problems can be traced to health, wealth or relationships. We all have holes in our worlds that go through one of those routes.

Now, I've got a hole in all three. I'm trying to fill them as best I can but they seem un-fillable, sometimes. Timing.

Speaking of which, another girl and I were orbiting back in December. We never got together because of my situation back then and I ended up with someone else. Now - well, now, I've got a new situation on my mind. She's nice enough but I'm trying to clear my head.

Her: Hey, I heard you're seeing someone.

Me: I was. Past tense.

Her: Oh, well...that's too bad. Not that it's related (laugh) but, you free for lunch this weekend?

Me: (pause) I'd love to but I think I'm sick. I'm also...working through a few things.

Her: (sigh) Yeah...you're always working through a few things.

Yeah...I'm always working through a few things.

3:34:22 AM

I just walked in the door from drinks with Nadi, who always makes me laugh, even when I'm as sick as a dog. As I'm sobering up, I hope I didn't say too much but I'm sure I did. Something else for some other time. She's looking for something too. I wish I could help her find it.

As for me, I'll be 34 shortly, so I present three separate conversations from people I met recently:

I
Her: Oh you went to Cornell too?

Me: Yep, class of 1993.

Her: (pause) I think I was in first grade then.

Me: (sigh) I think that's my phone...

II
Her: 1993?

Me: Yeah, why?

Her: (counting) Man, I was nine then.

Me: (sigh) Dark rum on the rocks with a slice of orange. Keep 'em coming.

Her: (pause) We don't have oranges

Me: Of course.

III
Him: You graduated high school in 1990?

Me: Yep.

Him: (pause) Wow, that's when I was born.

Me: (sigh) Look at the time...

Him: (confused) Dude, you're not even wearing a watch.

But I still know what time it is:
3:15:23 AM

Pandora, John William Waterhouse

They opened a new Amish school house in Pennsylvania the other day.

Hopeful is good.

I think.

Have you ever actually read about Pandora's box? Yes, she unleashed all of life's misery but did you know that Hope was the final thing in the box? It was also the only thing Pandora managed to trap.

Eventually, Hope escaped.

There are two ways to look at this, either:

Hope is the one thing that counteracts all the crap life throws your way; OR
Hope is the worst of all evils because when you're let down, well...I'm sure you've been let down before so, you know.

I always thought it was the former. In my late nights, I'm not sure. I think it may be the latter.

I would like it to be the former, but, then again, I would like a lot of things.

3:41:22 AM

Yesterday, I met a couple going to Beijing and a boy studying Chinese. It made me remember my younger days.

There was a time when your last name told something about what you did or where you came from.

I once briefly saw a woman named Zelle, meaning cabinet in German. She figured some ancestor made cabinets. That, or hid bodies inside them.

My name was won by some ancestor who did some great deed and was asked by the emperor what he wanted. Like all good Chinese, he said, simply, "Land."

So, 1200 years ago, he was given a tract of land in northern China in the Bing Province with a river on it - the Luo River.

Fast forward to 20070402, and I'm Lo/Luo version 1201b.

Imagine if we started over again today.

We'd have names like, "Pete Accountmanager" or "Mandy Producer." Or names like, "Edward Google," "Sandy Fresh Direct" or "John Morgan Stanley."

OK, maybe that last one works. You get my point.

1201 years of work and I'm the result. It's humbling and laughable.

I know where I come from.

But where am I going?

8:51:22 AM