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LoganLo
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Friday, October 24, 2008 |
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Glory Days
Location: my parent's living room Mood: nostalgic Music: hope when I get old I don't sit around thinking about it
Inigo Montoya: I admit it, you are better than I am.
Man in Black: Then why are you smiling? Inigo Montoya: Because I know something you don't know. When you get beat up as often as I did as a kid, you either get all decked out in black and go Columbine, or you just learn how to fight. And for those of you that know me, never do anything half-assed.
Bryson's one of my best friends and was a striker like me. He outweighed me by 20-40 pounds but I was fast and flexible. We were always toe-to-toe. Until he started grappling. So I started too.
Then, a little after 9/11, I got injured. A kimura gone horribly wrong. Doc said I could either get surgery and lose 10% of my range of motion or rehab it and lose as little as 2%. Chose the latter. He said it'd take up to four years. It took seven. Stopped watching NHB stuff cause it made me sad. Didn't wanna be one of those guys that spent his time talking about his glory days.
During those seven years, Bryson worked to the point that he's a Pan-American Bronze Medalist. And he knew something his opponents didn't - that as good as he was on the ground, he was even better on his feet. I knew that. My jaw knew that. Me? I stopped. Got fat. Settled down with a girlie.
The only place I'm still better than Bryson's with a sword. But even then, he's almost my match. We both know he's better than me, he's just too polite to ever say it. Some days, forget that I'm 35. Then my body reminds me. The last time I felt good about my right lead was in the mid-90s.
We spoke recently and he told me that he just got a similar injury. He finds out next week if he can roll again. I understood. Told him that he got seven years on me and he agreed. Small comfort, I know.
After we got off the phone, sat back and remembered when we weren't old men. Instead, we're in the muddy backyard of my college house. He'd swing on by, we'd laugh. Then we'd kunckle up and roll.
Man in Black: And what is that? YASYCTAI: Look up an old friend. Cyberstalking's easy with Facebook et al (10 mins/1 pt)
Labels: disappointed, discussion, nostalgia, story
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:: Posted by Me @ 12:20 AM ::  
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Sunday, September 21, 2008 |
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I'm always alright / Rules
Location: home Mood: awake Music: Don't wanna leave you but I can't stay anymore.
 Me: Is it that you don't want a relationship or you don't want a relationship with me?
Her: (pause) Couldn't take another failed relationship, Logan. I can't. (looking at me) Are you alright? My fishes keep committing suicide. They jump outta the tank and flop around my floor. They did it tonight when someone was over and she screamed. Dammit, I'm down to one George. Met up with some blue eyes on Friday to a downtown rooftop where I took a picture of the pier above. Met up with some green eyes on Saturday where I went to the pier above and took the picture below of the rooftop I was on Friday. My life goes in these funny circles. PCD made me laugh recently. She kept her promise to stick around. Heartgirl told me that we're not dating cause we're beyond that. So I told her she should wind up and swing. She said she couldn't. Said I understood - but only cause I didn't wanna know. Trust me when I tell you, y'never wanna know why. Have a secret I'll tell you someday. But not now. For now, I repeat that my life goes in circles. Said it before, y'keep doing what you do, y'keep getting what you get. Keep getting what I get cause I keep breaking my rules. Y'know why you have rules? Y'have rules so you don't have to think. The decision was made a long time ago when someone, hopefully you, were thinking clearly. I'm always tired - never think clearly anymore. I just keep screwing things up cause I keep breaking my rules. The girl that screamed went to church with me tonight and walked me home. Just before George jumped outta the tank, she also asked me if I was alright. So I turned to her and put on my best face. Me: I'm always alright. Sometimes if you put something into the aether, it becomes true and it's a good thing. I am alright. Just gotta follow my rules. I'm always alright. George on the other hand... YASYCTAI: Keep those rules you made for yourself. (1 min/3 pts)
 Labels: dialogue, disappointed, george
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:: Posted by Me @ 7:01 AM ::  
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Wednesday, September 03, 2008 |
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Cursing buildings and mountains
Location: my childhood bed Mood: beat tired Music: You've been good to me; have i been good to you?
Her: I think everyone has a person. (later) Would it matter? If I ate a shrimp or tried some fishy sushi? I don't think it would. Me: No - because you are who you are and I don't want you to change because of me. Her: I guess I really know that you aren't my person. Sometimes I forget, though. Me: (pause) I hope you find your person. You deserve to find your person. Her: I hope you find yours too. Me: (thinking) You're a good person. Her: I didn't do anything good. Me: (long pause) You wished me well. That's something good. In addition to that very, very sad conversation, also lost my biggest client today, my computer died and either broke my leg or tore my ACL. Crashed at the 'rents and ConEd was doing repairs so I took a cold shower. The moment I was done, got a knock on my door.
Him: Hey just wanted to tell you that the gas is back on. Me: (dripping wet) Of course it is.
Not a good day. But there's this old saying that it's better to light a candle than curse the darkness. Ended my night with a nice conversation that I'll keep to myself but made things seem a little less dark. Got no candle for you but if you click the music link above, you can get a free download of the song I'm listening to as I write this. Hope y'had a better day than I had. Labels: dating, dialogue, disappointed, pescatarians
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:: Posted by Me @ 12:03 AM ::  
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Wednesday, April 23, 2008 |
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Uncool me
Location: my blue couch Mood: throughly confused Music: I think she’s leaving Ooh man she’s leaving
A few weeks back:
Her: Wait, you only have one bowl? Me: (shrugging) I only have one me.
I don't have an iPod - don't have an "i" anything, in fact. Someday maybe, not now.
Almost all my music, DVDs, books, papers, works, I've digitized and put into a computer I built myself. I watch it all through either a TV I bought seven years ago or a projector I use for business.
Got alotta Valentino shirts and about eight custom-made suits but I bought 'em all at least a decade ago when I was young and stupid. Tee-shirts and Levi jeans for me.
Drama notwithstanding, I spend coin on: I'm lucky because I've never been cool and I'm WAY too old to start now. Plus, I have zero need to impress anyone.
Where do you think the happiest place on earth is? It's here. Not what you expect, huh? Happiness comes from community and purpose. Stuff cannot make you happy. Don't be fooled by ad execs (I was one) - there's no pill, shirt, shoes, phone, that will make you happy.
Working jobs you hate, to buy crap you don't need, to impress those you don't know - that's just !#@$ nuts.
Connecting, man, that's where it's at. Ah, but there's the rub. Another person cannot make you happy. But losing them can make you all sortsa bent outta shape.
Connecting. It's harder than one might imagine:
Her: Can you not call me? Me: Tonight or ever?
Her: ( pause) Ever. ( click) Me: (pause) Well...that sounds about right. (sighing, putting down phone and turning to fish) Yes George, I know. It's nonea my business. But still... ----------
20080424:09:30 Edit - The conversations I write of are all taken out of context on purpose. As a general rule, when I write of someone I date, please refrain from writing anything rude of them? Labels: dialogue, disappointed, discussion, geroge, harold, Syd
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:: Posted by Me @ 1:53 AM ::  
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Friday, March 07, 2008 |
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There's no place to hide
Location: 21:00 yest, ordering another roti in Jackson Heights Mood: full Music: remember when you used to pick out my shirts?
(If you like my taste in music, please email me at: logan607 at hotmail. I have an idea.)
What do you think of those happy dreams where you wake up and it was just that - a happy dream? Is it better to have them so it's real, if only for a bit, or not have them at all?
I've been sleeping very little these days and it shows on my face. But this week I dreamt of my possible pasts.
Once got into a stupid argument with No 2. I went off to class, then to my usual study place in the library and there she was. She drove two hours to see me. I guess I dreamt of it causa my brother visiting me. She's married now and happy I heard. I'm glad. I was just awful to her. Awful.
S'bad enough I run into old ghosts on the streets. Now they're visiting me in my dreams.
Should you need me this weekend, I'll be the dude swimming in a vat of rum. Please don't interrupt.
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Met a girlie a while back; I'm hoping to run into her again this weekend.
'Scuse me darlin', lemme cross?
I'm not your darling.
Huh. It's early yet. Y'could be.
Labels: dialogue, disappointed, ghosts
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:: Posted by Me @ 12:12 AM ::  
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