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LoganLo
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Tuesday, December 29, 2009 |
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2000-2009
Location: a room with red-brick walls Mood: so very grateful Music: but sister, you know I'm so weary
So this guy, his wife, and his son, go to the big city for the first time. They walk inna the first big building they see. While the wife goes off to look at something, the man and son stare at an elevator. Never saw one before.
The two watch this old, weary woman make her way inna one. They see the elevator doors close, bells and lights go off, and then the doors open and a beautiful woman steps out. The father's mouth drops open and he turns quickly to his son and goes: Boy, go find you mama, right quick.
Old joke. But made me think that I came inna 2000 one way, came out a whole other. Kinda.
1999 - become a lawyer. 2000 - leave the only job I ever had to change the world. Enter girl. 2001 - sit in a room with a red brick wall and saw buildings come down. Exit girl. 2002 - enter girl. 2003 - start one of several companies. 2004 - buy my pad. Exit room with a red brick wall. 2005 - exit companies. 2006 - take a temp gig that lasts for three years. CashCab. Exit girl. Start blog. 2007 - 72Canal: good. Lose life savings; get in a car accident: bad. 2008 - grandmother passes. Never get to say goodbye. Enter Heartgirl. 2009 - still a lawyer. Move back to a room with a red brick wall. Heartgirl's come with. In Orange Sky, Alexi Murdoch says,
Yes, I had a dream I stood beneath an orange sky With my brother and my sister standing by
Make light of my insomnia - and alla the things that bring it about - a lot.
But if I were truly honest with you, there were times that I thought that I couldn't bear the thought of another sleepless night. Could not bear it.
And if not my brother and sister, wouldn'tve. Not sleeping for 48 hours'll make y'think all sortsa crazy. Life's hard enough without your people.
So I wish for your 2010-2019 that, if you've not found your person, you've at least found your people. They're your mirrors and help you find see yourself. And, looking close, y'see just how small your problems are in the big schema things.
Dunno what 2010-2019's gonna be like - probably nuthin like I expect it. But it's ok, got my people and my person.
See you in the next decade!
Ah, that joke never gets old, yeah?
YASYCTAI: Make your plans for the next 10 years. Then watch God laugh. If you're lucky, you'll laugh too. (5,259,487 mins/4 pts)
Labels: faith, family, friends, New Year's Eve 2010
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:: Posted by Me @ 8:54 AM ::  
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Tuesday, October 20, 2009 |
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Conversations on life
Location: 16:00 yest, turning onto Van Dam to go home Mood: pensive Music: Christ, I'm out of my mind
Me: How high's your blood pressure?
Her: XXX over XXX. Me: HOLY COW! Eat some oatmeal, mom! Her: I can't, I'm having a mango. Me: (exasperated) I didn't mean right now... ----------
HG: Why couldn't you sleep? Me: Was screwing around online and got a notice from a friend that a girl I worked with passed away. She just got married. Cancer. Thing is, had her email addy the whole time. Kept thinking I'd drop her a line but..never did. Dunno why. Her: (patting my shoulder) I'm sorry about your friend. Me: She wasn't a friend so much as someone I knew. But she always said "Hi" to me. It's just that she was younger than me. Seems so unfair. Never woulda thought... Still believe that A man's dying is more the survivors' affair than his own. But she was too young to go, I think.
Went to church this past Sunday. It's hard to have faith in the big city.
It's hard to have faith when you're at an age where everyone's getting older, people y'know die, madmen say'n do mad things. Doesn't make any damn sense.
But there's this song that has this line that goes, Thank goodness for the good souls that make life better. So I turn to you and I say, if it wasn't for the good souls, life would not matter,
Me: It's a girl! Congrats! And...um...I'll be in Mexico...for the forseeable future. Him: (laughing) I swear, if she starts talking a lot with her hands, I'll find you. Me: Don't blame me that my people's gene's are strong. Thank God for the good souls.
Bye, Lee. It sounds like you had lotsa good souls around and I hope they make it through this somehow. I'm sorry you had to go. You were way too young to go.
YASYCTAI: Gotta start making some of those phone calls. (15 mins/1 pt)
Labels: dialogue, faith, family, fate
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:: Posted by Me @ 12:01 AM ::  
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Tuesday, June 09, 2009 |
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How'd you not know?
Location: my clean room Mood: accomplished! Music: Earth below us, drifting, falling, Floating weightless, calling, calling home
Me: Y'home? I'm by your pad.Him: I'm sick, bedridden, and vomiting. Me: What're you trying to say?
A story goes that a snake wants to cross a river. So he asks a frog to carry him across. The frog goes, Screw you. You're just gonna bite me. So the snake goes, Nah, we'll both drown if I do that. So the frog figures that makes sense.
Midway, the snake bites the frog, who goes, #@$! Why'd you do that? Now we're both gonna die.
As the snake goes under, he goes, It's in my nature. Y'knew what I was when you picked me up.
Thoughta that story this past weekend, when I told someone about the SA in Nazi Germany. Before the SS, the SA were the guys that brought Hitler to power. If the SS were the well-dressed executioners of the Nazi party, the SA were the fat, meathead brawlers.
After the Nazi party seized power, Hitler had them all killed, in the Night of the Long Knives, including onea his best friends, Ernst Roehm (who was also gay).
Thought of this again this morning on the train to have lunch with my dad and sis. Headline in the paper read, Taliban feel Pakistani Wrath. It's about how, after the Taliban blew up a Pakistani mosque, Pakistan realized these guys were a buncha sick scumbags.
To Ernst Roehm, the Pakistani government and that frog, I gotta say, Cm'on...it's in their nature - how're you surprised? You knew what they were when y'picked them up.
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Finally finished cleaning my new pad. Found a switchblade I got when I was a kid.
Always kinda surprised I made it to 36.
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Here's a pic of the Shuttle Atlantis against the sun.
Any douchebag can break stuff down. But this kinda stuff, this kinda stuff's the stuff of God.
(c) NASA
YASYCTAI: What's on your MP3 player? Logan needs new tunes. Yes, I'm referring to myself in third person. Logan says it's ok. (10 mins/0.5 pts) www.loganlo.com
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Labels: dialogue, discussion, faith
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:: Posted by Me @ 12:16 AM ::  
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Monday, November 03, 2008 |
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Halloween 2008 / Maybe
Location: 20:00 yest, leaving church early Mood: full (of chili) Music: painted faces fill the places I can't reach
 Friday night, Heartgirl and I went out with Bryson, his wife, Paul and buncha other people. Hit up three parties and rolled in at 3:30 Saturday morning. First party was the above sweatbox. Think I blew out my left eardrum. Which sucks, cause I still need it. Eh, got my right. Bryson and his wife gave Heartgirl a thumbs-up. Their votes count because they're first-stringer friends. Second party, was at my old standby where some other friends dropped in and some dropped out. Third party was fulla Heartgirl's friends; nice guys with the exception of one overly handy dude. Saturday, just stayed in. Made a buncha chili. Sunday, Sheridan stops by. Over some chili he tells me that he just flew in from Miami where he bought this building. Had two Valentino shirts and an Italian leather coat that didn't fit me so I gave them to him. Quite a different life I lead these days. Still, it's nice that my friends from my old life don't really care if I'm styling Valentino or H&M. S'funny, my friends and family believe in me more than I do sometimes. Maybe cause they remember the guy I once was. Maybe they just keep me around cause I make some killer chili. Or maybe they just think I'll be ok. November's always been a good month for me. Cept for 2007 and 2006. Those were full on fail. Then again, maybe I'll be ok. Some things are looking up.
 YASYCTAI: Learn to make chili. Here's my recipe. It's nature's most perfect food. (30 mins/2 pts)  Labels: faith, Halloween, nightlife
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:: Posted by Me @ 12:04 AM ::  
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Tuesday, July 29, 2008 |
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All good things come to an end
Location: my office Mood: heartbroken Music: the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day til the feeling went away
Him: What's the point of dating her if it's not going anywhere? Me: All relationships end. Some just end sooner than others.
Anthropologist Ernest Becker once said that Everything that man does in his symbolic world is an attempt to deny and overcome his grotesque fate.
All relationships end. And all relationships that matter end in tears. It's just the way it goes. There's nothing you adore now, that you can hold now, that you won't lose at some point down the line. Either because it goes - or you go. It's all ashes and dust and there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it.
And it doesn't matter how you go, yeah? Someone'll wish you didn't.
Writers try and cheat the end we know is coming. It's our sad way of staying longer than we should. Because I've tricked you, you see. I've made you think of me.
My grandmother passed away. I'm heartbroken.
Please don't say, I'm sorry. Tell me something funny or interesting. Cause I gotta go home and dunno what to say to my mom.
I'm a crap writer. I've run outta words.
Labels: church, dialogue, discussion, faith, family, goodbye
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:: Posted by Me @ 10:10 AM ::  
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Wednesday, March 05, 2008 |
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Grace and Mercy
Location: 22:00 yest, Rego Park Mood: hopeful Music: life goes on Long after the thrill of livin is gone
Him: The fine is $2,000 a day for non-compliance.
Me: (coughing) You either gotta kill me and sell my body parts a nickel a shot, or we've gotta work something out.
Him: (laughing) We don't have a department for that type of collection. (pause) I can give you two more days. Can you be in compliance by then?
Me: (nodding) Hell or high water.
Do y'know the difference between Grace and Mercy? They're two sides of the same coin.
- Grace is when you get the good things you don't deserve.
- Mercy is when you don't get the bad things you do deserve.
Been posting less these days - cause I've never been into ranty posts. I did call my brother about two days ago, though. Guess something in my voice worried him. Or maybe mom told him about my shaking. Dunno.
Today I was running around all morning, having one unpleasant meeting after another, before I finally made it to my office.
And there sat my brother.
He dropped everything and took the 7AM flight outta Florida. I was in the hood, thought I'd see you, he joked. Then he looked down for a moment and asked, You ok?
Outside, my three employees were working, my partner was in her office, and I had clients waiting. I said it before, the words that'll make a grown man cry are, I'm on my way. Just showing up's even better.
But a boss weeping in his office doesn't do anyone any good. So instead, I coughed, cleared my throat, frowned and nodded. He got it.
Later that night he and his friend Kathy had dinner with my folks, laughed, and sang about two American kids growing up in this heartland on the road home.
Today I got mercy from a total stranger and grace from my earliest memory.
Yes, I said honestly, I'm ok, now.
Labels: depression, dialogue, discussion, faith, family
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:: Posted by Me @ 12:07 AM ::  
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